"Begin by explaining what the toilet if for," she said. "One way to do that is to take the dirty diaper to a potty chair and explain, "This is where we want your poop to go", without letting them see it transferred into the big toilet.
"A potty chair is helpful because it is not scary; it is low enough for the child to use himself, he won't feel he can fall in, and there's no big pool of water to be frightened about. It also gives the child a sense of ownership."
The next step, Howard said, is to watch for signs that the child needs to use the bathroom. "When you recognize the pattern of a child's bowel movements, take him to the bathroom to sit on the potty chair, fully clothed at first so there will be no temperature shock. Sit with him in a non-coercive way, perhaps reading or singing with him.
"Never strap a child in because the child will feel punished and develop a negative association with using the potty chair," Howard said. "The overall goal is for the child to have this be his accomplishment."
When the child produces, she said, offer lots of praise. Some children may follow with producing urine on their own. If not, Howard said, parent can take the child to the potty every hour or hour and half. The probability of success during this process can be increased by offering the child a lot to drink.
Howard also has a list of trick to make the toilet learning easier:
- switch to the big toilet when the child indicated he is ready and place books or steps to make it accessible;
- consider switching from diapers, which allow the child comfort during wetness, to training pants, which make accidents more noticeable, thus motivating the child to use the potty.
"The new pull-on paper pants might also make it too convenient for a child to keep wetting his pants," Howard said. "I think they are most useful at night because night-time wetting typically continues well past the age of day-time control. Ten percent of children still wet the bed at age 5."
Parents should remember that accidents will happen, usually in times of stress or excitement or when the child has had little sleep. "Parents should stay cool and not treat the accident as an emergency. It's perfectly OK to act disappointed because we do want the child to get the message that we prefer another way."
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