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Tina (Unregistered Guest)
| | Posted on Thursday, September 21, 2006 - 08:34 am: | |
Narmin,
Potty training has been a big challenge for us. My daughter is now 3 1/2 and starting to use the potty on a regular basis and wear panties. She still has accidents and recently had 2 bm's in the potty by luck! I tried books, advice, sticker charts, etc. I do not know what to do from here. I was very casual in the beginning as she was only 2 and showed some interest. We then had 2 major life changes moving back "home" in June '05 and a new baby in January '06. We did not push hard because of these changes. However after her 3rd birthday, I felt pressured by my husband and family to get her trained. It became such a power struggle between myself and my daughter. We tried a box of toys as a reward. She would pick one out and when she had an accident, we would take it away. It was ridiculous. I felt that was not the way to go. I did not want to punish her. Finally I told my husband it was wrong and it was becoming too important and negative. I realized over the summer that she is a very strong-willed independent child. We need to give her space and let her learn from her own body. She has been doing that off and on pretty good however, she gets very distracted during play or tv and will have accidents. We started to use a timer to help her stop what she was doing and sit on the potty. We knew she would go about 30 mins. after a cup. It worked well. Even when she didn't go, we praise her for trying. Now she can hold it for an hour or more and so when we use the timer, she will get angry to try. She will tell me she doesn't have to go. I try to believe her and give her space however, the other day she had an accident and didn't tell me! When I asked her why didn't she use the potty she blamed me for not putting her on it!! I get frustrated because I constantly tell her how she is really getting the potty training down and keep encouraging her that she can do it. I do not know what else to do. People constantly tell me how their daughter/son was trained in a day or two! She just started nursery school 2 afternoons a week. They should be potty trained but allow a few accidents and if too many will have to wear pull ups. So far she had an accident the 1st day and the second she was damp. I am hoping that peer pressure will motivate her to be fully trained. Do you have any advice from where we go from here? |
Narmin Parpia
| | Posted on Monday, September 25, 2006 - 04:31 pm: | |
Hi Tina,
You've definitely been through a lot of changes the past year and your daughter is feeling the effects, as I'm sure are you. I have several suggestions:
First, don't worry about what others say you (or your daughter) should or shouldn't do. As a mom you have an incredible instinct to know what is right for your child. Follow that instinct! Giving your daughter time to adjust to the changes in your family by approaching the potty training in a relaxed way is recommended.
Furthermore, some children that demonstrate resistance to potty training do so in an attempt to maintain control over their body and their environment. Sometimes children will even enter into a negative phase of self mastery where they intentionally have an "accident" for the sheer satisfaction of making the decision of where to go. The solution? Just what you've done - - Take a break, back off, and try again later.
Now, moving forward what can you do? I suggest you confirm that there is not a medical component to your daughter's resistance. She might not have the same bladder capacity as other children, or she may not have developed the ability to feel the pressure on her bladder and bowels just yet. Check it out with a pediatrician just to be sure.
Then, recognizing the importance of the 4th step (or test) to potty training readiness, assess your daughter's emotional and social awareness. Your comment about hoping your daughter will respond to peer pressure is right on. Your daughter must be mature enough socially and emotionally to want to be like the others and use the potty like a big girl. Having a new baby in the house, particularly if your daughter isn't interacting much with older children, can throw your daughter's desires off a bit. Getting her in preschool around other children could be just the trick.
And finally, don't be afraid to implement consequences. Not punishment, but rather consequences. Potty training accidents are common and happen for many reasons. But if you feel your daughter is capable, has the concept down, but is having repeated accidents during specific activities, (and everything checks out medically) then apply the consequences. Be sure you explain them ahead of time. Not returning to the activity from which she would not break is definitely appropriate. For example, if she's not willing to stop watching a show on TV long enough to go to the potty and has an accident as a result, clean her up and apply the consequence that results from her unwillingness to go to the potty. Don't let her return to TV that day until she can demonstrate willingness to take a potty break when she feels the urge. If she doesn't initiate a potty break the rest of the day, the next day you can start fresh and see what she does. Put the responsibility on her to identify the urge, stop what she is doing, and go to the potty. It's O.K. to remind her to go, but don't let her blame you when or if she has an accident.
Give it a try and let us know how it works out. Best of luck to you, and thanks for sharing your story!
Narmin |
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