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Jenny Thorton (Unregistered Guest)
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 14, 2006 - 12:05 pm: | |
Hey,
I am down to my wits end. My son is 4 years old and will not tell me when he needs to go pee or poop. We have been having him working with him since he was 13 months old. At first we just had him sit on the potty when he first got up and again right before bath/bed time. It was going good and so I started taking him around noon and he would go then no problems. Still wearing diapers for the most part. I would try big boy (cloth) pants with him and he would have so many accidents (an average of 5 a day)that I would get upset and quit again because I didn't want him to be punished for an accident. Then about a month later we would try again and they same thing would happen and I would give up after a week or two because I couldn't keep up with the messes and stress.
Now at 4 years old he is in cloth pants most of the time (he asked for them about 2 months ago and for the most part hasn't worn anything else since), I will put him in a pull up if he wants while we go shopping or to the park (mainly because the restrooms available are nasty and not always working properly). I let him choose big boy pants or a pull up for bed time. Depending on the night and how he feels alot of the time he wants his cloth big boy pants.By luck most nights he will keep them dry, but even if he has to go he won't get up and go.
He still won't tell me when he has to go.
As long as I take him to the bathroom he does ok 1 to 0 accidents on average. Even if I ask him "do you need to use your potty?" he will tell me NO then pee or poop his pants with in 5 minutes. If he has an accident he won't tell me, he just sits in it.
I asked his docotor about it and they just told me to make sure that he goes potty every time that I do. But that doesn't help the problem of him not telling me or caring that he had an accident.
We have tried stickers and Dr. Phil's plan and taking away toys and time outs and candy even. We have tried everything we can think of. And he is a brilliant child (according to doctors well above average for "book smarts") But he doesn't interact with other children and doesn't understand some basic things also won't "do as he is asked" (like going potty when he is asked I have to take his hand and lead him to the bathroom). So I am wondering if some of this has to do with his potty training problems and what can I do to help him potty train? Thank you for reading and taking time to help me. I appreciate it. |
Narmin Parpia
| | Posted on Friday, November 24, 2006 - 03:40 pm: | |
Hi Jenny,
Oh boy! I think any Mom would be frustrated in your shoes. You've had a long, long journey trying to potty train your son. I hope what I have to say will help bring this project to completion!
It's great your son is doing better and is in cloth pants most of the time. However, I think you are possibly confusing him by letting him choose to wear pull-ups when he wants. My recommendation is take comfort in good hand washing practices when having to use public restrooms, and get rid of those pull-ups alltogether. You may even want to try potty mitts or the potty topper to increase protection.
At night I suggest using something other than a pull-up or diaper. It is common for nighttime accidents to continue even after a toddler is potty trained in the daytime. Explaining to your son he has special nighttime underwear in case he has an accident will be less confusing for him than putting him back into a pull-up which he understands as an acceptable place to pee if he chooses. There are many products on the market including overnight underwear, cloth training pant covers, and vinyl 2-in-1 pants. In addition be sure to use good mattress protection such as a waterproof mattress pad or cover.
Next, it sounds like your son would benefit from bonding with other children that have already been potty trained. I say this because one of the key areas of a child's developmental growth is emotional and social awareness. There are two indications you gave me that leads me to believe this may be the problem. First, you mentioned your son does not interact much with other children. Second, you mentioned your son doesn't act independently but rather you have to take his hand and lead him to go potty. Children reach a point in their development when they want to be a "big kid". They want to try everything under the sun on their own. They actually want to be independent. Watch for these signs with your own son and embrace and nurture them. Even if he doesn't do the task perfectly, completely, or neatly, let him do it. It seems he needs to grow in this area. Once he does, he will naturally want to use the potty to show you he can do it and make you proud. In the meantime you may have to continue prompting him.
It doesn't sound like there are any medical or disability issues at play, but it is always good to discuss your son's status with his pediatrician just as you have. Some children are just more resistent than others. I have no doubt your son knows what to do, he is just choosing at this point to do otherwise, partly because he's been given a choice. Prompting him by educating him what other kids are doing, and encouraging him with a reward that he will respond to, are great techniques. You mentioned you use rewards, but you may need to increase the stakes. What really motivates him? Explain to him that he will be permitted to play with this toy or activity when he exhibits "big kid" behavior. Control his access to that activity or item. When he uses the potty on his own, provide him limited access to the activity or toy. As he increases his potty independence, increase his access to the activity/toy. Potty training rewards such as charts, stickers, and targets are another great way to prompt your son to use the potty.
Don't forget to use lots of praise and love in the process. Good luck, stay calm, and take heart in knowing he will eventually get it!
Thank you for your post. Good luck in the future, and please give us an update when you can.
Narmin |
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