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Concerned Father (Unregistered Guest)
| | Posted on Sunday, November 26, 2006 - 08:31 pm: | |
I appreciate your insight! My wife and I have tried potty training our daughter for nearly 6 months, off and on depending on her readiness. She is almost 3 1/2 years old and it seems we have done something wrong. She will hold her pee for up to 12 hours! We have not encountered a bladder infection yet (thankfully) but are concerned about the potential health risk. We will "make" her go when she has not peed for 6 hours and usually this consists of my wife or I holding her still(forcefully) on the toilet (with a potty seat) while she screams until she lets it out. We praise her and she usually gets a sucker as a reward. We have not even touched trying to get her to poop on the potty yet. We have tried taking her every 15 minutes and she will go sit but begin to scream and cry when she really has to go. She is a very smart little girl and seems to understand the concept, have the control to hold it, wants to wear panties, but does not want to potty. The other thing is, she goes to a preschool 2 days a week until 2:30pm. She is to be potty trained but she does not have accidents since she holds it for so long. It is almost as if she is "pretending" to be potty trained. Anytime we ask her if she wants to go she says no. I think if she had her way, she would never potty again!
When she is done going potty she stops crying and seems a little angry (resistant) to do the fun stuff (flush the toilet, etc.) It is almost as if the potty won the battle by coming out! She does not hesitate to tell other adults of her accomplishment (as if she meant to do it.) Have you seen this sort of thing before? We were thinking of only rewarding her if she goes without screaming and crying. What do you think? Thanks in advance for your response! |
Narmin Parpia
| | Posted on Monday, November 27, 2006 - 12:35 pm: | |
Dear Concerned Father,
Your story is very similar to Monique's Mum (Simone). Please take a moment to read her post and my response.
In your situation I want to share a conversation I recently had with a mother of five. This mother told me about her youngest being very stubborn and refusing to use the potty. She flat out complained that she was not ready to be a big girl but rather wanted to remain a baby and stay in diapers. She was three at the time. Well, Mom and Dad decided this just wouldn't do. She would hold her pee for hours and hours just as your daughter does. So, they decided until she used the potty she would not be permitted to do anything. And I mean anything. She did not read, watch TV, play with toys, or even nap. They put her potty in the middle of the kitchen and made her sit on it. It took all day but she eventually realized she had to pee. When she did she quickly commented "Oh, that's all I have to do?" She was off to her activities and they never had a problem again.
I don't necessarily advocate this approach, nor do I think it is beneficial to physically force a child to go potty. However the story does point out the extremes some children will go to get their own way.
Instead, I recommend giving thought to a few things. Is your daughter wearing big kid underwear all the time or are you still using diapers/pull-ups occasionally? If you are still using diapers and pull-ups your daughter could be confused. You could be sending her a mixed signal that she can avoid the potty if she wants.
Does your daughter go potty at school? I know in most preschools they will line the kids up and each child must take a turn in the potty. Does she go then? If so, it's definitely a battle of the wills with Mom and Dad. If she doesn't go at school, she may be fearful, confused, or maybe the environment isn't right for her personality. Check out this article on potty training resistance for ideas on how to combat these concerns.
The battle of the wills is better fought in another territory. In other words, take a break from potty training. Establish control and respect with your child on a day-to-day basis. Two and three year olds are constantly testing their parents - - pushing beyond the limits to see just how far they can go. When you see your daughter is moving out of that "stubborn" stage and is following your instructions more readily, give potty training another try. A break may be just what all of you need.
As for the screaming and crying, if you have checked with the doctor and he/she has confirmed no infection or medical reason, I would suggest ignoring her screaming and crying. Children behave in this manner for one of two reasons. Either they are hurt, or they are trying to get your attention. If she's not hurt, she needs to find another more appropriate way to communicate with you.
I hope you find the suggestions I've made to be helpful. I wish you the best of luck. Please let me know how things progress.
Narmin |
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