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(Unregistered Guest)
Unregistered guest
| | Posted on Sunday, April 01, 2007 - 08:56 pm: | |
I just found this site, thank goodness!!! My 3 1/2 grandson was fully potty trained for a couple of months. He has now started taking huge steps backwards. He will go to the toilet for bowel movements but pee's anywhere and everywhere he feels like it. Just twenty minutes ago we were sitting in the living room and he was in underwear. He peed on himself in the middle of the floor, promptly took off his underwear and tried to hide it and then carried on as if nothing happened! We really feel as if this is passive aggresive behaiver as there are two younger siblings ( one a newborn) and his living arrangments have been changed. My way of dealing with it has been to tell him he should let someone know when he has to pee and more or less ignore it. My daughter wants to resort to punishment. HELP!!!!!
from a frustrated Nana |
Michaelyn Dunaway
Moderator
Username: Michaelyn
Post Number: 13
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 23, 2007 - 02:25 pm: | |
Hi Nana,
Thank you for your post. I can understand your concern.
Your little grandson is probably struggling to adjust to all the changes in his life. It's not easy on a three year old when a family grows. Nor is it easy when his living arrangements change. Combined, your grandson is going through a lot of change.
Having said that, I don't think you should resort to punishment (spankings, groundings, taking toys away, etc.). But I do think he should learn consequences as a result of his behavior.
It might make an impact to ask him to help clean up the mess. If you use a matter-of-fact approach and explain as you go it can really make a connection in your grandson's mind.
I would also focus on what a big boy he has become being potty trained and wearing underwear. I would explain that as he becomes a big boy he gets to do new things like ______. (Fill in the blank). What new and exciting privilege can he earn now that he is bigger and using the potty. Let him know he has this to look forward to.
Another idea would be to simply explain to him (face to face, at his level, in a calm voice) that it is not acceptable for him to pee wherever he wants. Explain that it stinks and is uncomfortable. Point out that he cannot hide the fact that he went in his pants so he may as well use the potty to avoid disappointing you and his parents. You might even put him back in diapers if the behavior continues, explaining that he cannot wear big kid underwear unless he is going to behave like a big kid.
And finally, be sure there isn't something medical going on. It doesn't sound like it but it is always a good idea in a case where there's a sudden change in behavior. He could be suffering from a urinary tract infection or constipation, for example. So check with the doc.
I wish you the best of luck. Your daugther is blessed to have such a concerned grandma by her son's side.
Please let us know how it goes.
Michaelyn |
Bonnie (Unregistered Guest)
Unregistered guest
| | Posted on Thursday, March 27, 2008 - 01:40 pm: | |
I'm not sure where to begin...we began potty training my son two months before he turned 3. He had shown a number of signs of readiness, and had used the potty on and off for months. We decided to give it a try since I was due to have a baby at the same time he'd be turning 3. It went pretty well. Only a handful of pee accidents and no poopy. In fact, the pooping was never an issue (until now!). Well, as expected, he regressed after his baby sister was born. I wasn't surprised and I figured it would last a few weeks, maybe a month. Well, 3 1/2 months later, it's only getting worse. I feel like we've tried EVERY trick in the book, and at times, we probably haven't handled it well (scolding, taking something away...we tried a lot of positive reinforcement but that had minimal effect and at times, when we were at out wits end, we probably handled it poorly with the scolding, etc.). As of the past few days, it's become more deliberate. He literally stares at us and either poops or pees. My husband read an article about potty training resistence. According to this author, if a child is over 3, has no medical issues, and has been training for several months, it's likely an issue of resistance, often due to reminding a child too much or making too big of an issue of it (it's quite likely that we did this). He offered a number of good suggestions, including that of ignoring an accident/incident and just tell them to go change (help them if necessary especially if s/he pooped their pants) and giving them a lot of praise for using the toilet. So, my husband and I decided we would try the ignoring tactic. Great. However, we first had a conversation with him stating that we were sorry for the times we became upset, and for talking about it too much. We discussed how everyone's body poops and pees each day, and that underwear doesn't like poop and pee in it. He wears pull-ups sometimes, underwear other days. Based on this author's advice, we put him in underwear and no more pull-ups. However, today he peed all over the kitchen floor, and wouldn't help clean it up. What should I have done?? I didn't want to show that I was upset as I'm supposed to ignore it right? I explained why it wasn't appropriate, etc. but he then went on to poop in his underwear 2 more times today - something that he's never done!! He didn't want to clean them, and one pair was so nasty that I threw it out. I made sure he saw it and I just said, "oh, how sad that we have to throw away such a cool pair of underwear.". Etc.
I am just COMPLETELY at my wits end. We've tried being nice and patient, we've tried rewards and various incentives. I now want to try the ignoring trick but it's hard to ignore when he's peeing and pooping on purpose. I understand that it's a power struggle. How do I regain the upper hand??? ANY HELP would be much appreciated. |
Michaelyn Dunaway
Moderator
Username: Michaelyn
Post Number: 26
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, March 27, 2008 - 03:26 pm: | |
Hi Bonnie,
Thank you for your post. I can certainly understand your frustration. But before I offer any possible strategies, I want to commend you for a job well done! You were aware that your son might experience potty training regression after the birth of your child, and he did. You are aware that he might possibly be acting out, and that's an idea many parents don't want to explore. You have correctly tried many good strategies. So, again, congrats on your efforts and research.
Having said that, I wonder, is your son acting out in other ways? Is he exploring boundaries elsewhere? As an example, while some kids are intentionally having accidents, they are also being very stubborn at bedtime, mealtime, or school time. They might choose to be more of an independent thinker and voice their opinion..... o.k., "strongly" voice their opinion. Are you noticing this pattern with your son? Or is the challenge only seen in the area of potty training?
The reason I mention this is because you can either tackle this from a pure potty training issue by telling him if he is not going to make "big boy" choices than you have no choice but to keep him in diapers until he is ready. Then simply ignore the issue of potty training. Wait for him to get uncomfortable. I realize this goes against typical recommendations, but your son has progressed beyond the typical scenario.
Or, you can re-consider your overall parenting style and make adjustments to allow him to have greater choice and gain a sense of independence. If he is deliberately going potty in his pants "because he can", it may be a sign that he wants to experience controlling some aspect of his environment. Choosing clothing (although it may not match), choosing activity A over activity B, etc., might give him a feeling of control that he is looking for. If his day is full of structure and no choices, he may be having accidents simply as an expression of control.
So, consider what needs adjusting, your parenting style or his attitude? Follow your gut, and hang in there. Keep your cool. He will come around soon.
Good luck, and please keep us posted.
Sincerely,
Michaelyn |
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