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moniquesmum (Unregistered Guest)
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 21, 2006 - 09:36 am: | |
Hi...
Im from melbourne australia. My daughter will be 3 on 6th jan 07. From Dec 05 ive been trying off and on to toilet train her with still no success.
Ive tried one day at a time, 2 days, 3 days and so on.. upto trying 5 days in a row.
The only thing ive progressed in is that she never used to even want to sit on the toilet, but now she will sit there at least. She prefers the normal toilet to a potty.
Problems im having is that she rather holds onto it than let it go. She tells me she needs to go, i put her on the toilet, but she wont let it go. She cries, goes wide eyed and is clearly scared out of her mind. I talk to her calmly, and soothing and saying its ok, its ok. your a big girl, let it come out into the toilet, and i hold her hand and sit with her on there for a long long time, but she just gets herself so worked up.
In the end i take her off, and a few minutes later she does it on the floor (while crying hysterically).
A lot of the time she doesnt want to get off the toilet because she knows shes meant to be there and knows what shes 'meant' to do. but she just doesnt like the feeling to let it go.
Shes a smart girl, and understands a whole lot. Shes pretty tough and i just hate to see her like this, but i feel like i must persist in some way.
My son was so much easier to train. I had no problems, he was trained wee and poop by age 2.5. Hes now 7yrs old.
Im a single working mum, and its real hard. But i have the determination to make it work. I know she understands and can do this, she tells me all the time when shes done it in her nappy (diaper as you call it).
Im just wondering is there anything i can do to get her to "let go"?
Im currently on the fourth day of "no diapers". Shes in underwear all day (diaper at night time only). But in the last 3 days shes only done 1 poop (which she screameddddd the place down and i thought her eyes were going to pop out theyre sockets) and shes done 2 wee in the last 3 days, the rest has gone on the floor, or shes held onto it until night time when her diaper goes on.
Any suggestions??
**** DESPERATE MUM!!!! |
Narmin Parpia
| | Posted on Monday, November 27, 2006 - 10:48 am: | |
Hi Simone,
Thank you for your post. I have a few suggestions but I'd like to preface them by directing you to your daughter's doctor. It is possible she has developed an infection as a result of infrequent urination. An infection could cause pain and further resistance.
At this point it is key to teach your daughter to relax. Have her sit on the toilet with her legs apart, placing her bottom deep within the toilet seat. This will help her muscles relax. Or she can sit backwards on the toilet seat, leaning forward against the tank. This will position her with her legs apart, helping her to relax. Make sure she is comfortable, and things are quiet. Avoid letting her play with toys, books, etc., as this will distract her from the task at hand. Instead have her close her eyes and breathe deeply.
In an effort that other parents might learn from your experience, I feel it is important to say sometimes a child just isn't quite ready to learn to potty train. Your daughter is probably ready at this point, but last year may have been too early. It is important to watch for signs that indicate when you should start potty training. If a child has the desire to please you but cannot control his/her muscles just yet, they become frustrated and so do you. As time progresses you run the risk that anxiety will overtake the process.
Another possibility is that your daughter is simply in a phase of development where she is wanting to control what she can about her environment. Between ages two and three, children become independent, realizing for the first time they rely less on another person to get around, eat, play, etc. Yet children also learn they have boundaries, rules, and requirements that restrict their freedom. This is why the two's (and often three's) can be so "terrible". Children are asserting themselves and are testing their boundaries. Unfortunately some children choose potty training as an area to control. If this happens it might be best to back off from training, establish authority in your daily routine while watching for signs of compliance. Then try again.
One other thing you can try is to implement a reward system that will motivate her. It can be something simple like an extra story at bedtime, a silly song Mom sings, or a trip to her favorite playground, park, etc. Or you can utilize reward products such as charts, stickers, or targets. The key is to find something that will motivate her based on her unique personality and interests. What is your daughter just crazy about? Can you find a way to build that activity/toy/snack into a reward that she can earn after using the potty successfully? Be sure she only has access to this "reward" when she is successful on the potty. And realize your reward system will have to be flexible, meaning you can modify it as she progresses. At first, make the reward easy to earn. Then as she progresses increase the reward based on a longer period of time/dry days.
Parenting is not easy. Just when we think we have it figured out, everything changes. You did a great job with your son. These days it is not the norm for a boy to be fully trainined at 2.5. If I were you, I would have done the same thing and expected my daughter to be as easy to train. Fortunately our children are all unique. It makes for a battle sometimes, but it is what makes each one so special.
I wish you the best of luck! Please let me know how it goes.
Narmin |
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